i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy i'm so lousy

*sobs*

i placed the cards into the envelope, and they asked me where to go.
i said, to the place where my heart is trapped and brimmed with so much love.
and then the cards in the envelope flew tracing the track of my heart, so certain of the destination...

.. to you.

you've been missed. =)

i actually hesitated upon throwing it into the bin.
the name list. with the names of the people.. who were once my kids..
suddenly i realized i missed those times.
turn back time. i swear i'll enjoy myself this time. i swear i'll love them more. and i'll love myself more.
give me a chance, to be a happy fwocer.

everyone has got something to say about anyone.
everyone has got their own mouth and mind. they say things their minds want them to say but whether to give it a second thought before saying certain things, it will be another story to tell.
some people don't care how you feel when they say untrue things about you behind your back.
Perhaps these people just simply don't like you, or worse, they don't even know you well enough to comment about you.
Often we hear, be yourself, why get affected by what people think about you?
true true. they have their say. they can say whatever they want to and we can't control it. no matter what is their intention behind the scene, and whether or not the comments go into your ears, you'll still live the way you desire and do the thing you think is right.
I myself say so, yet often I shiver inside when I hear things people say behind my back.I mind alot what people think of me and what they tell another person bothers me alot. Alot. you may agree on my reason of why am i being so sensitive.
when someone say something bad about you to another person, that person will then have the same perception about you and subsequently share it with another person. then the whole world will think you're bad. haha.
mayyyybe it is true that i'm bad, but you can tell me to my face, like what chin chia yi did. and he thought i was insane for being happy over getting scolded. he said, 'why? cuz nobody scold you before ah?'
yeah nobody is ever so sincere to let me know why am i wrong and why should i change.
now i really think i revolve too much around myself. too self-centred, so as to say it in a nasty way.
anyway, what i want to say is, you have a problem with me tell me to my face k.. and then i'll decide whether to defend myself or to change for the better =)

p/s: i've been kinda assertive nowadays. too much of shit to be blurted out. but i think i should stop. lol.

yup as annie said,
welcome to the end =)

finally it's the end. yes it's the end!
and guess it does not only signal the end of my role as a FWOCer,
i think i should put all the negative thoughts in me to an end too.

Let's start anew.
bye to all moans and groans.
hello to the new me.

i care.
and i know u care too.

i'm sorry.
please believe that i really really wanted to see you.
u know i felt like shit that night. but u thought i didn't care.

"honest juice,disappointing"
very sad u know o notttttt siiiiiiiiiii chiayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

u see my face u think i'll care? lol.

I feel so weird inside.

I browsed through the pictures. Pictures of people having fun, in glamorous outfits and bright smiles. I recognize those faces. But how come i don't feel what they feel.
I used to be part of them. I mean, I used to be in the same world as they do.
But now i feel so out of place.
Is it just me, or the people,or the place?

I don't belong to where i thought i belonged.
I don't wanna fake anymore.
I wanna hide.

Being home is simply love.

It has been like ages since i last came home, as in, came properly.
My last return was mostly spent in baby's house, and we only came back like twice? for merely a dinner on the first night, and a short stay over next.
Now i love spending time at home. unlike last time. I didn't even bother to come home. Hall life was like my everything. I was too indulged in all the flowery activities going on like crazy and the people I encountered.
Perhaps now I really need some time off hall. FWOC has changed me. Changed my perspective towards hall, towards people, towards myself. Hall is not my everything now. But the people i love and love me are those i'm gonna cherish with all my heart.

Was talking to annie. and we were saying about losing friends we've not been keeping up with. Though i told her, not being able to keep up with them doesn't mean that we'll lose them. I meant it. because i really think true friends will understand and will always be there. yet second thought, am i taking my friends for granted? though too tired to do anything extra to show that i care, maybe i still at least have to do something about it. but again true friends, who?
ah. being paranoid again.

Despite how fascinating the world outside is, i still love Malacca. Forever so peaceful and lovely. u can feel like all ur muscles relaxed and ur mind freed. So relaxing i know i'll feel so miserable whenever it's time to get back to school.
Oh pudding has grown up to a lady! more obedient and adorable now =)
One day i'm gonna bring annie and krishnan here. I'm sure they'll love the food and this place.

till then.

Looking out for you

Look into the webcam.
Smile to the webcam.
Talk to the webcam.
and stretch out my arms to the webcam.

Look into your eyes.
Smile with you.
Talk to you.
and hug you for real.


they are not at all the same....
i miss you.

yes i want to be home. i want to be with you.

been revisiting this blog over and over again since after RAG day. my own blog.
Everytime im here, the feeling to write down something is so strong.
I've got so much to say about the past three months, so much stories to share and so many thoughts to throw. about FWOC. Flag day. Rag Day. about hall. about the people and about myself.
But i just don't know where to start. how to start.
Okay perhaps this is just an excuse for being lazy.
Yeah i need to take some time off for myself. Miss spending time alone. Miss spending time with him over the webcam. Miss being myself again.
It's just too good to spend time alone.
I finally sat down and started doing things that i like. and i finally don't have to wear slippers into my room anymore! I love my new room, all clean and neat now =)
being alone makes the homesick feeling even more intense.
other than missing everyone and everything at home, i miss my new found sisters too, who were there with me when things went difficult during fwoc. and i know they will always be there for the rest of my hall life =)
i love annieCheong and krishnan =D

The best way to miss someone is by living our own life to the best we can, giving it all the care so that the next time we get to meet again, love has created two better persons.

I miss you. and I'm taking good care of myself =)