i just can't help feeling.. urm.. sad everytime i think about it.

guess that's just not the place i meant to be and do well.
it's merely a place where i'll be used if i'm needed. lol.
pathetic it may sound, but yeah that's exactly what i feel.

aiyo aiyo y i so emo. so irritating >_<

the giant xmas tree in vivo has already been set up even though it is still about 2 months + to xmas! and i'm already in my xmassie groovy mood! (: can't wait til exams are over and we can start carolling soon!



weather's turning cold in baby's place. love him in his winter clothing! x









I was there for dinner with them! :p

as much as i wanna write down what exactly i'm feeling inside.. i try so hard to figure out whats seriously wrong with me.

why so easily affected?
do i really care that much?
why care since nobody cares.

i should really really stop visiting that place. the place that has been giving me so much emotion stir-ups and sad to say, mostly unhappiness. the place that has been perpetually telling me how lousy i am and how unappreciated i am.

i still think i'm not THAT lousy though.
just that i'm always not given a chance.

sigh. sigh.

why ah why.

why ah why.

=(

A thought slipped my mind.
then immediately another though shoot back.
are you crazy????

man. i'm so greedy i always want to do everything. EVERYTHING that i think i can do, i want to do. doing for the sake of self-satisfaction? or for the sake of proving my capability? i don't know. But i know whats happiness like when i'm doing certain things. that kind of throbbing excitement that passionately grows within me while indulging in things that i like.
phew. now i realized how much i actually missed flying. and how much i actually LOVED flying.

so what about swallowing my words about prioritizing Inspire now?
i don't know. but the group doesn't give me much motivation, like seriously. what are we suppose to do. guess again i won't be able to sing more as i wished this year. things are not going the way i thought they are. Maybe the best place for me will still be the music cafe. singing chinese pop that i'm comfortable with.
anyway, today was a pretty fulfilling day i suppose. Did several successful liberty haha after such a long longgggg hibernation yessss at least i'm not rusty=p
toe pitch was fun. thanks to weili and rambutan =p

oh ohhh and we had birthday celebration for wern mama with krishnan and annie.
it has been quite some time since the 3 of us gathered together! still loveeeeee you girls! (:

i tired liao. i go sleep. byebye ppl! (:

first, everything is drawn out in pencil.


trace everything out with black ink pen.


Erase off pencil mark.


nice? but not done yet! =)


colouring! back to primary school =D


niceeeee i like~~

love you baby (:

performance tomorrow.

just wanna say, it has been fun training with u guys (:
tho not stunting at all this time, but for once i'm a dancer! lol full out hip hop dancer dun play play!
gonna miss spending time together in the dance studio babes!
let's rock the theater tomorrow!W

W-I-L-D Wild cats!!!!

Projects and assignments come in by batch this semester.
I have no idea why. But i seriously seriously thought life would be easier if they give me midterms. I'm sick of struggling in the midst of deadlines. i wanna go out.

anyway. today was a good day to me, at first. cuz my law assignment has got good remarks. then got bothered by this stupid confusion about whats right and whats wrong with this minor part of my project. the bad thing is, it was already handed in. HAHA. die. too late too late.
so my moodswing comes. strikes like the relentless storm as if nobody's business. hurhur. whats new man. it always happens.
i feel like going out for a walk. to the 7-11 out there to get myself a B&J chocolate fudge heaven. but i got no money. and i don't wanna use my nets. oh my wallet is empty. pathetically filled with a few coins that is. lol.
i wanna go shopping. but i have training tomorrow. what time will it end i don't know. i wan more shoes bags and clothes. my wardrobe is still too empty =(
We're performing for highschool musical3 Asia premier on sunday. am i suppose to feel extra excited for it? how come i don't. how ah how ah. shit. nvm. but we'll get to watch for free! yesssss. i love free stuff. i'm so auntie. how how how.

ok lar should resume studying. i thought ytd was productive. what m i doing now. aiyer. angsty lah. sien. i think i'm super stressed with my CAP this sem. probably feel remorseful of my slackness last sem. big big mistake.
i wanna go SEP. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
let me go. please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeee nobody needs it more than i do. haha =p

this is an aimless entry. sorry if i've wasted ur time.
have a nice day! =))

To-do:

1. Fix back screwed bio clock.
2. Stay focused.
3. Stop procrastinating.
4. Stop feeling angsty over silly things.
5. Learn to shut up.
6. Keep door open.
6. Eat less.
7. Sleep less.
8. Shopping!
9. Remain patient while talking to mom.
10.Smile.

The Truth Revealed (with evidence)!
In June 1998, the government of Malaysia had hired a team of experts from all over the world to be gathered here in Malaysia for a research project to compliment the history studies that we undertook in our secondary school. The objective of the research is simply:

1. To find proof and evidence that show the Malays were the origins of Malaysia and they were the first race and religion that landed their feet in Malaysia ..

2. To further strengthen their claims, first they need to find the graveyard of the Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekiu and etc.. to show the existence of their pioneers.

3.. The Batu bersurat in Terengganu, reveals that the Islamic religion has landed in Malaysia for more than a hundred years ago which further strengthen their claims!

BEWARE & OPEN YOUR EYES !!!
Go and ask your brother, sister, niece, nephew etc.
Since the year 1999 (if i'm not mistaken) or year 2000, do they study about HANG TUAH anymore ???
Why is that popular subject GONE ???
Missing in action ??? or evidence reveals something else that caused the government to stop the syllabus and HIDE the TRUTH ???

Here are the Evidences of the findings by the team of scientists, archaeologist, historian and other technical staff from the United States , United Kingdom , Germany , Canada , Yemen & Russia .

The evidence are:

1) They finally found the graveyard of Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, etc..., their skeleton
had been analized and samples of DNA taken with the results show : Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekiu and mates were NOT MALAY!!! They were CHINESE from China !!!
Why were they here in Malacca???
If go back in history, you would know that they were on a mission to protect the UNGRATEFUL MALAY Sultanate from the frequent attacks by the Kingdom of SIAM ( Thailand ) !!!

So Hang Tuah was not a Malay hero !!!
They were the protectors of the useless and ungrateful Parameswara (who was from INDONESIA ) landed in Malacca and claimed that the land belonged to him !!!
The Hang Tuah bunch of people were all from China , they were being assigned to Malacca Sultanate because Parameswara requested the Ming Dynasty Emporer for protection !!!
Hence, the rich historical heritage of the Babas & Nyonya being closely linked to the Seven Voyages to the Western Ocean by Admiral Zheng He who incidentally was a Chinese Muslim himself !

That's why the Hang Tuah series of history is MISSING from the Malaysian SEJARAH today ! ! !
Note : Remember Princess Hang Li Poh ? - All surname 'HANG'

2. Second Evidence :
The researchers hired by the government found the oldest tomb stones (graveyard) in Kelantan in year 2000. Suprisingly the tomb stones were at least 900 years old !!!
Older than the so-called batu bersurat. And the best thing was that they all belonged to the CHINESE !!!

Being landed first in Malacca doesn't mean Malay is the first in Malaysia because during that time, the road was too long or undeveloped for them to reach or see the other side of the coast where the Chinese had landed much earlier. If you want the black and white hard evidence of what the truth of the Research reveals, please write to The Federal Association of Archaeology & Research of Michigan , USA .

This is a good reason to remind the UMNO Bumiputras to STOP asking the Chinese or Indians to go back to their Motherlands because the evidence had shown that Malays were NOT the original people of Malaysia !

The Truth Revealed (with evidence) and anthropologists have yet to ascertain if there was indeed a Malay race !!?



this is interesting. pretty sure most of u should hav already read it from forwarded emails. lol. freak. don't know if it's true but feel so much for it since i was one of those who suffered memorizing all the stupid parameswara hangtuah hangjebat facts.. that wasnt the worst.. sejarah Islam definitely was the killer. Damn. even what date what day Nabi muhammad s.w.t came to melaka also we have to know ( omg how come i remember his name), which malay say what we also have to know.. sumore hav to know how to read the Islamic calendar.. haha ultimate! XD
whatever it is. whether it's the malays or the chinese who arrived in our Tanah Melayu first doesn't really matter too much to me. Just hope that our fellow malay leaders will be more sane when it comes to racial issues and practice the basic humane fairness in dealing with them, and not pulling out keris or saying things that r so childish and makes me think that chinchiayi can be one of the ministers up there. lol ok i know nothing about politics. shall shut up now =p

going off to class! byebye~

It was annie's birthday, it was mambo night again~ wohoo havoc havoc.
my camera damn good lar even manage to take photos in the club.
just came to realize that my stamina for club isn't that good. not tailored for clubbing i guess. =/ and, heels kill. they really do. don't see me smile smile in the pictures, my feet were screaming in pain down there. poor thing. =(

happy birthday annie. =) love love always. welcome to the 20's.

i got the ToastMaster public speaking contest best speaker award today (:

happy. not because of the prize. because i didn't choose to run away. and that's what made me feel proud of myself. even before delivering my speech, i was glad enough because i was down with my formal attire and at least i was on my feet to go up onto the stage and speak. I broke the barrier. i thought it was a good first step. it was even better when the process went smooth and the audience actually liked me. Thanks for the stunning applause upon the end of my impromptu speech. phew. that was.. sweats. oh well. haha. as the tutor said, "u've got the stage, so make use of it and do whatever u want on the stage. and because u're on the stage, the audience will be willing to accept it and eventually start to like you." i don't know if i really deserve this as i totally twisted the speech question and turned it another way round. but they liked it. thanks. haha i'm glad (:

It was great to be given this opportunity to be trained under excellent toast master speakers. yet it was saddening too to see people forsaking this golden opportunity and running away from challenge. It was not only about the money spent on those who've signed up but did not turn up for the course. but it was the attitude. $500 per person, 3 professional speakers, what do you think? Have to admit that i once thought of pulling out too. thinking that, why make yourself so difficult. just skip the course, like everyone else does. i am grateful that i did not choose to do this. I've been doing this for alot of times, to alot of things, and for once i'm now gonna face the challenge right in front of me and not running away. why run away, when u're given a chance to practice and improve? ah anyway. i was kinda glad it's over. lol. and thank god it turned out alright.

it was certainly an enriching experience. at least for once, i learnt so much about public speaking, and i've been on stage, as a professional speaker. (:

feeling extra vulnerable today after u left.
i've got no idea why.
haven't been this emotional since quite some time ago. and it just happened in all of a sudden. i suddenly don't feel like talking.

疲倦的背包它不问我是否寂寥
无奈的手表孤单地走过每一秒
阳光静悄悄街上有人拥抱我听得到
没有人知道口袋里我藏着你的味道
想见你没有你城市再炫也没意义
热闹的全都是你幻影
想见你心太急狂奔拥挤的人群里
多希望下一秒就见到你

天虽然很高思念像云笼罩我很低潮
我所有沉默如果你看得到给我拥抱
微风轻轻飘寂寞在笑声里默默喧闹
只有我知道不需要再寻找谁的依靠
想见你没有你每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼晃动的全都是你
想见你我的心其实从来不曾离去
这一生只想和你在一起
想见你没有你每天生活只剩呼吸
闭上眼晃动的全都是你
想见你我的心其实从来不曾离去
全世界最重要的就是你

so old school!! but so niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
loves loves!

i became to feel much much better now. compared to the past few month after FWOC came to an end. It was not the feeling of nostalgia that made me stop to smile like how i used to be. It was the weariness, and the disappointments. to alot of unfulfilled expectations. Now, i feel like i'm starting to shine again. i smile more, and i feel more loosened up now. my room door is open again. but most importantly, my heart is open again. Not seeing him doesn't drive me nuts anymore. somehow i don't tend to get angsty and furious so easily anymore. Thanks to my bunch of girlfriends. thanks for making me realized that..
life's so good, when i open up my heart once again, and have all of u to fill up all spaces in the heart. you girls are my angels (:










and of course,
my personal guardian angel (: love him~

u know
at times i still think about u.
or maybe i should say, most of the time.
thinking if u're doing good if u've found ur group of friends that u'll safely call them ur good friends. since u once said i wasnt good enough as ur good friend.
whenever u came into my thoughts, i do not know what i'm feeling. what i'm actually feeling about u, about us.
glad that i'm not associated with u anymore?
glad that at least i've tried and it wasnt my fault that it didn't work out?
glad that now u've finally realized my importance and too bad i'm now gone?
glad that i finally don't have to bear with ur sudden moodswing without any warnings?
gosh i hold grudges i must say.
cancerians forgive, but do not forget.
it shouldn't be this way.
i guess i still care. it's just that i'm too weary to be the one taking the first step anymore. i've had enough really.
now all i want to do, is to wish u're happy.
truthfully.